Sometimes Daily Devotional- 4/29

I haven't been getting up early enough for my devotions to occur as I like them to. I have tried but ended up falling asleep in my chair and then going back to bed before I have to get Evalyn up. I haven't had a lot of help with her this week, which is fine, but we have had to go out a lot and that wears me out. Good news is I can put my feet in regular shoes now and my knee pain has not been as bad.

Matthew 28:19

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁹ Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,

I found a book at a thrift store called "Then sings my Soul, Hymn Stories", by Robert Morgan. I just started reading it. Many of you know the song "Be Thou my Vision", we don't know who the author of the poem was but we know it is from Ireland, 8th century, and is set to the melody of a folk song called "Slane". This is such a beautiful song and prayer and one of my favorite lines is "waking or sleeping my presence my light". In the book, it talks about how St. Patrick is the only missionary honored with a global holiday. He was taken by raiders at the age of 16 from his home in Scotland and actually accepted the Lord while being held captive. He escaped and had a dream that he should return to Ireland to spread the good news. Just like God to have us return to the painful places to make a difference huh? Had an abortion, drug addiction, affected with an illness, can't have children, have too many children etc? I'm sure that if you seek God he will bring you back to some of those places to help others. To be a light, to be a St. Patrick. Not only does it help us heal but people flock towards others that understand them and you can truly understand something until you have been through it. I wear an 81/2...in shoes.... sometimes.  I think of my uncle Frank right now on 8E, who has just been diagnosed with aggressive lymphoma. I know what he is going through and personally, it's hard to go visit people there. I do it because I know God hasn't put me through the fire for nothing and I'm able to make a difference in the lives of other cancer patients.

The unfinished painting of mine I found for sale at a store. Got rid of  it because I was going through a hard time and never thought I would finish it. 

God also speaks to me in my dreams at times. I have 3 or 4 that were so clear that if I didn't follow the Lord I knew there would be huge consequences or opportunities misses. Sometimes he speaks through others. The point is that if we seek him, he will tell us what path to take. He's not going to show us the whole map, otherwise we would mess it up thinking we could take some short cuts. We have to step out in faith, like Indiana Jones, and the next step will appear if we are following the Lord. Someone asked why we are not more upset about Jonathan getting laid off from work. It's not that we are not, be we have known that this position was temporary because it is a step to the next job or promotion. We had hoped it would be there, but it is not God's will. We have been through so much in the last 3 years together we know that God is going to take care of us if we keep seeking him. I know, deep down, that his will for us is good. Why roll around in the mud feeling sorry for ourselves when we have an awesome God that created the universe and cares about us? Faith is believe what you can not see yet. St. Patrick left for Ireland despite everyone telling him not too, he knew the Lord wanted him to go.

If you have been reading, you know my story about finding one of my unfinished paintings in a store for sale. How I had been praying about going back to school or starting my own consignment booth. Well, God sent a clear sign this time. Always wanted a neon sign. I'm glad he saved it for when I have chemo brain, I needed that break! I went to pick out my booth yesterday and will begin set up the first of May. I guess the point of this blog as with some of my others... is go and do what you know God wants you to do. It may start out with a card to someone you have lost contact with, something little, then as you seek the Lord more, he will reveal more of his will from you and who knows, he does, what could happen!!! Take that step of faith. Remember to talk to your brothers and sisters in Christ before making a huge rash decision out of no where.... done that one before. I leave you with a link to the song that has inspired many..... this version is Ginny Owens, who is blind. Check out the other verses if you get a chance.

                                                                    Be Thou My Vision 

Have a blessed day! I'm going to see Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers tonight!
Love,
Heather

Daily Devotional 4/15

      The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. JN 10:10

As I come to you this morning Lord, my heart is heavy for young men and women caught in between lives circumstances and don't know where , of course a drop in steroids always causes some depression, or what to do next with their lives. I feel like that at times but God has given me pretty clear instructions about certain things in my life due to seeking him.... there is still a lot to figure out. There is so much pressure to CHOOSE something to do, and when someone does choose something it my not be Good enough according to others or themselves. How many teachers do you know that shouldn't be teaching anymore. They are burnt out and just waiting to retire. I would have been one of those. Two years in, although I still love to teach, children, and science, I asked my 4th grade teacher, whom I was working with at the time, in the same classroom I was in 5th grade, if she started now would she had "made it 30 years." She said no. I won't get into all the reasons I quit teaching but did follow God and found a wonderful job with Creative Consulting that not only fit my personality but my need to work independently while helping the most special people in the world, those with developmental disabilities. Now, besides surviving cancer, God has given me clear instructions not to go back to school in the fall, as if we need anymore loans, and instead focus on my many art ideas, music, open a consignment booth those items, and also get my many talented friends to let me sale some of their wonderful items. If course, I also have clear instructions that I need to learn to sew, and need to find someone to give me lessons because my chemo brain can't read long boring things.

So back to what I was saying. I have had someone say to me, "Heather, people just don't enjoy their job most of the time, it's just the way it is." I understand that to a certain exsent because you have to provide for your family and there my be a season where God has you somewhere you don't want to be. However, I do not feel that God wants to punish us 40 hours a week for a job that means nothing to us. You know that feeling, Sunday night, in the pit of your stomach, when you know you have to start the work day? I don't think it was the pizza you ate. I've had someone else tell me, my grandfather, " Once work became work, I quit and  found something else, life is too short." Every time I talk to him. I find out about ( just had to stop and call him right now cause I miss him) a new job that he had. As I said before, he didn't even go to medical school until he was 30, with a wife and 2 kids! I think he has a good idea... that when people get out of highschool, they should have to do a year of service somewhere in the USA and not in their hometown. This would give them time to explore different things, get out of their element, away from pressure of others, and encouragement to seek the Lord in decisions. I tell you what... I can't separte my life into different pieces, I can't sit there and dread something day after day.

 If I would have listened to God in the first place, I would have joined the Air Force and then went to medical school. However, at 20 years old, I was seeking anything but God. I hope that people that I tell that too learn from my mistakes. Praise the Lord that he knows all paths and is able to turn things around so that I could still love the job I had and miss, and now have even more wonderful opportunities opening up, including singing more, the consignment booth, being on the entertainment committee for Be the Match, and many more.

There is a book I read by Donald Miller, right before my cancer turned back, called " A million miles in a thousand years: How I learned to live a better story."   I could not have read it at a better time. It made me realize that I'm a tree in a giant forest and God will and plan surpass everything. I've seen it.... this horrible cancer, has change others besides me, it has cause people to sign up for be the match. It has brought me closer to the Lord. And we are waiting to hear if it will save a 4 year old in CA. God convicted me to seek out my dreams, to "make something from nothing." Now that can be scary. Taking off to the Air Force, moving across country for a travel job for a year, going back to school, making a career change when your already "vested". It's called a leap of faith. It's about stepping out and believing that God will catch you even when we can't see the next step. You can't just set in an intersection forever but getting off the road before you make a rash decision is wise. We think nothing of getting on the crazy roads and putting our lives in others hands. Yet we continue to work ourselves to death to keep up a standard of living we don't even get to enjoy.  Then a lot of people, not everyone, get their life sucked away by the boob tube, or having the perfect lawn, or whatever because they are too tired or stress to do anything else. Then what happens to your hobbies, your convictions to help others, your desire to take care of yourselves..... right down the potty.  I believe that God wants to be apart of ever aspect of our lives... not just serving in church, but everywhere and anywhere.... "This little light of mine......"

Daniel and I went to eat on Friday an there was this saying... I'm going to get it wrong so I'm have to fix this later. It said something like, "Faith is when you believe in the next step even when you can't see it with your eyes."  Yea that's not it... I'll get it right.

I leave you with a song..... click the link.

FAITH

Have a blessed day!

Daily Devotional 4/8 He Lives and the Easter Bunny

My brother Scott and Jonathan hid eggs while we took pictures.

I remember when I was little we bought a new appliance and of course we had a huge box that I wanted to play with. I decided I was going to spend the night in this box and "catch" the Easter bunny in act of leaving yummy candy and probably the same rabbit or toy I got last year that my Mom had hid. No offence Mom, I know we were broke. Well, I didn't catch the screwy rabbit of course but did enjoy sleeping in the box. Still to this day I expect the Easter bunny, aka parents, to give me candy, I did pout the year they forgot.

As the Easter bunny this week, I asked a few people, mostly kids, what Easter was really about. Well, the few answers I got was about candy and since their parents were there I was not going to intrude. I figure they had a bible verse in the egg I was giving them and said a prayer. Many adults came back to find me and praised the Lord and loved the verses.

Scott was so sweet with helping her find the eggs.

Scott told Evalyn "I'm glad you were born."

He was so excited that we came to see him!

I'm listening to Evalyn starting to wake up now and have an Easter basket for her. She has been generally draw to her christian books. She loves her Bible and her My First Easter Book. Of course she also likes her little bunny and Easter egg hunting. I think there just needs to be a balance and have fun. Our children will know what is most important and just like Christmas, it should be celebrated and taught all year long. I read this article this morning:  http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2012/apr/08/faith-forum-do-easter-bunny-and-easter-egg-hunts-t/ 

Yesterday's Hole in the wall, Awesome Mexican Food

Wallace begging with dignity yet again.

Evalyn loved the salsa and was trying to drink it like Milk. 

So for this Easter, I think we will start out the morning with her book, My First Easter, and then have breakfast, then have some fun with some presents while listening to worship music. We are also going to take some pictures and have another Easter egg hunt, reusing the eggs from yesterday, hee hee, thanks Mom for making me so thrifty, I get it from Poppa too, but I get my fine tastes from my Granny. We have decided not to try a new church today, mainly because I still feel really weak, I don't want to wear a mask, and I know that churches will be packed and I don't want to get sick. Watching all of these birds come to my late Nanny's bird feeder, the fishing boat on the lake as the fog rolls across, the great heron that just passed our house, is proof enough today that I serve a risen savior, Jesus, who holds me in his hands.

THIS EASTER MORNING

The Easter bunny came for everyone!

We got a new pet, her name is Tiger Lily, the butterfly. I don't know how it works but it's cool.

The pic of the three of us didn't work out so well. 

Mommy's first drawing from Evalyn, thanks Carol for your help.

Chloe got a new toy of course, and loves to hate flashes.

Easter Bunny is tired by 10 am, thank God we are on schedule A today.

I miss the old hymns from my youth.... here is one of my favorites.
He lives:   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bc1CBrtpkok&feature=related

Daily Devotional- 3/30- Happy Birthday and Breaking World Records!

Great Blessings today from the Lord and continued gratitude for prayers, encouragement, food, sitters, and financial supported. Today it has been one year since my BMT. (See link for last years blog) http://heatherwarrencape.blogspot.com/2011_03_01_archive.html  and although it has been and still is a rough recovery, I'm was truly blessed to have found a 9.5 match. The BMT was still the best option and still helping me even though it did not end up being a cure for me.

Receiving stem cell is just like getting blood, but more people in the room.

Other great news is that the bone marrow drive in Athens was a great success, we beat the work record for the number of signed ups in a 24 hour period. Here is the link to the Athens News Paper. So many lives will be saved. Some people stayed up for the whole 24 hours, I volunteered for 4 and still recovering, but it was great. There is still a lot of fun raising to do so please go to Kajal's Be the Match Page if you are able to donate some money to this huge drive. It's not cheap to DNA type.   If you still want to sign up and did not get a chance to do so, go to www.bethematch.org   Please continue to pray for Kajal , and others,as she is looking for a match. 

Friends that came out play, most helpful and sounded great!

I did some singing and playing too but I'm really good at "barking" at people.

My little area I set up for donations. Amazing what a bald head and some pictures will do!


I just so grateful for everyone that showed up and can't wait to see what else God is going to do in my life and others. So today's devotional is simple.... be thankful, be giving, bring life to others. 

Daily Devotional 2/27

I'm trying to get back into the groove of a routine after losing another week of my life. Still have not written it down but I'll get to it soon enough just like everything else. Didn't have bad bone pain last night but did hurt, I sucked it up till about 4 and finally took one of my low dose pills. Didn't sleep much, too nervous about all this bone stuff and excited about the bone marrow drive I posted about in the last blog.

God has been speaking to me a lot in different ways lately, and not really giving much warning. For example, out of the blue I felt like God wanted  to go to my parents church on Sunday to sing and give my testimony. We may or may not go... depending on what my parents want to do.

Another weird thing that happened last Monday, was that I was out in a consignment shop that I have never been to and I'm looking around and one of my paintings was on the wall... an unfinished big painting. I think I must have given some canvases away that I never that I would finish and thought someone could paint over them. My sister Anna was with me and I told her to watch when we got home and I would find the picture I took of the painting (I paint mostly from pictures) and I was going to get the painting back that it had to be finished. This also kinda confirmed something else I have been praying about: what to do with myself if and when I get over this next hump. I had wanted to go back to school, but we don't need any more loans and I'm advocating for my brother right now and it's nice to do with no job because I can't get into trouble. :). Then I have the art side of me. I make a lot of different crafts mostly just for people's presents and also love to get stuff for free and reuse it, like a shadow box made out of an old drawer, and earring holders out of pieces of an old shelf. Then of course I love my vintage clothing and kitchen items. So I have been thinking of renting a small booth at a consignment shop.

Don't have a verse today, just listening to what he wants me to do. Woo, the night is catching up with me, need coffee and some stretching, then getting the girl up to get ready for the library today! Pray I can get on and off the floor... mainly off.

Daily Devotional 3/19- The more we get together

Seems hard to concentrate this morning and even not fall asleep right now. I got up up 6:30 am to get some things done, trying to esp a routine with all my meds, appts, and activities and from 7-8 I still feel rushed. It's already 7:40 and usually I start my devotion by 7:30. I already took some of my lunck meds though so I don't have to worry about those as much, since I already forgot twice to check my BS before lunch last week. 


As you know, we are still looking for a church for Sunday mornings or Sunday night. Jonathan and I are happy with just attending a small group once a week and doing our own devotional times and sometimes together. I truly believe that a small group of 6-8 people that you can be totally honest wiith, grow with, and truely have relationships with than just showing up on Sunday morning, feeling good about it and waving bye, see ya next week. Not that everyone does that at all. We know God wants us to get in church for Evalyn at this point and one day use mine and Jonathans's gifts of music and leadership. We try to try a new church every other week, We skipped a few weeks there but plan on going some this Sunday. The church that I have in mind is not too small where we will like we have to start jumping in right away, because we just have too much on our plate, but not big enough that we feel like we could just watch the podcast and get the same thing out of it. I also feel that where the church money goes is very important to our family. We found this really small church and we loved that every 7th Sunday instead of church they went somewhere to volunteer their time and talents. Do you know how many people are sitting in nursing homes with no one to visit them, or a child that is at the children's shelter waiting to go to the next foster home? Breaks my heart. Right now I know that my calling is to spread the word about Be the Match and will be helping with setting up the fundraising team this week. 




The verse from Daily Fast Fuel
Acts 2:42.
They devoted themselves to the apostles teaching, and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.

Today, I'm suppose to go to yoga this morning, Spend some time with my sister, I think she is going to drive me to Madison, and we will have lunch, then a counseling  appt with Jonathan and someone he has been seeing for a while. He's one of the most sane people in the family and he is one of the only ones that see someone often.  Then back to home base and come up with a good excuse not to make dinner tonight. I'm super tired but hopefully I will snap out of it or I will just cancel something... but I hope not.
Time to check BS and get a little girl up! Wait till you see our St. Pat pics!

Daily Devotional 3/16- I want a donkey named Mary, cow named Fern, and goat named Scooter.

Today I read daily fast fuel again, and the lady blogged about how she has read the bible over 4 tims and used the http://dailyaudiobible.com/. I listened to some of it and liked it, i think I could listen to some while I'm doing my eye compressions. The guy has a nice voice and you can put it on you ipod too. I'll have to think about it, reading is kinda hard for me at this point. Balaam and his donkey proved to be an interesting old testesment story. The donkey talks at least so it was close to poo bear. Part of the story, the donkey is able to see the angle of the Lord and Balaam is not. Balaam beats the donkey for not obeying but fails to assess why he is not obeying. Only after he sees the angel of the Lord, he follows his directions to take a message to someone.

Numbers 22:21-23:30-

12 "I will speak only the message that the LORD puts in my mouth.” 

I like this verse because how many times have we taken it upon ourselves, alone, to spread the word of the Lord, or our agenda? There are times to keep your mouth shut and there are times to open it. God will let you know when that it is. Remember there is a season for everything. The point is to be ready when he calls you to do something, whether that is mowing someones yard, meeting a need, just listening, fixing food (thank you Courtney and Mirka for dinners this week :) etc.

¹⁹ God is not a man, so he does not lie. 
      He is not human, so he does not change his mind. 
   Has he ever spoken and failed to act? 
      Has he ever promised and not carried it through?  

I also liked this one also... not sure what I think about not changing his mind. Jonathan brought this up in bible study once. Does prayer change God's mind, or does it just change us so that we can be in God's will? Both, I don't know. I believe in his promises, I believe in  the follow through, with God and with my daughter. 

Have a blessed day,

Heather

Daily Devotional 3/14- the Bible Side

Random thoughts this morning. It's Emory day,always a little nervous. Couldn't decide if I wanted to listen to the beautiful birds and continue to insist with Jonathan that there has to be an AP on that fancy phone that picks up bird calls since there is one for music, or day dream that I kinda feel like a very plyable gummy bear floating through space and and God touches me every once in a while to mold me or send me spiraling into another direction, or run into someone. Then I thought, why don't you just eat me, there's a lot of gummy bears. This is while I'm doing my compression eye ritual and can't move or do anything else. Then I prayed and told God what I was thinking about.... he says I repeat myself, but it's ok.

We are studying Romans in our small group on Sat. Unusually, I feel like a zombie by the time I get there, if I drive to Emory, come home, eat, take care of Evalyn, and get there. I hope today that I get out early and can rest some so that I have something to add besides eating and asking for my brain to function properly.

I read Romans 5:1-5 this morning. I think I'm going to like this chapter better. So far, I have learned way too much about circumcision and come up with why to many sacrilegious "far side" cartoons, that I think I will call the "bible side". Weird stuff... but it may sell. Got to have some sense of humor when going back and talking about the old testament and the things God had them do. Don't get me started on Abram and Sarah cartoons.

Romans 5:1:5      NIV
¹ Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we^[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ² through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we^[b] boast in the hope of the glory of God. ³ Not only so, but we^[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

I like how the Message puts it also.... I need things a little dumbed down sometimes.

Developing Patience

 ^1-2By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that's not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.

 ^3-5There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!

Glory in our sufferings? I can see that now. My Granny told me yesterday that I had such a good outlook and that made me feel so good for her to say that. I don't always for sure, who could. I'm logical, I'm statistical, but all this has changed me to be more patient, understanding, compassionate, emphatic, proactive, forgiving, and I believe a better person. I think the people around me are better people, they have told me themselves. Do I feel short changed, sometimes. Especially when I can't do something I plan or do something I enjoy. Ahhh, my fellow disabled, down hearted, laid off, sick and elderly how I do understand how you feel now. Please look toward God to see what other doors are open, there is one there.

8am, time to start the morning ritual of eating, meds, and flying to Emory. Carol and Frank are coming today... they are so much help. Pray for good news. Got my "In case they admit my ass bag almost packed" and "my a thousand things to do" in there, and my med bag, and my pillow, which I should name one day. I'm trying to get my turtle back, get this swelling down in my feet, and talk Dr. Khoury into 2 weeks off again. Will probably start back the oral chemo today, boo, just pray I get to come home, that's most important. 

Daily Devotional 3/13- Blame it on the Crash

Well, I missed two days of my devotional. Not a big deal but it would be good if someone else does one each day and just mentions to me if they don't see one for a while. Just a nudge. I'm a lazy devotional person. I'd much rather God just speak to me in a dream and say " Hey do this...".  Not that I need someone else riding my ass right now about what I need or don't need to be doing at a particular moment, seriously. I have more in common right now with my elderly neighbors and grandparents then anyone I know. Not that we don't need reminders, cause we do, not that we don't appreciate help and assistance because without it well, we'd be dead, but I really know what it feels like to have almost EVERYONE to tell me take it easy, to slow down, your going to crash, did you do this, go to bed, get some rest, don't over do it, take care of yourself, yada yada yada. I do it to... I've taken part of the responsibility of taking care of my grandparents because I love them and anything I can do for them I going to do... even if it is just taking your plate Poppa! My grandparents yesterday were trying to help me carry something I knew I could carry.... I have been working out you know and I'm getting stronger and I told them to " leave me alone, I could carry it and they were not going to stop me". Maybe I shouldn't have said that, but I know for dang sure if they haven't they want to say things like that all the time. Why take the risk.... well sometimes you just have to live. As Eva says, "We're just gonna live till we die." Wise Words.

 Now, I say that beef not to be say I don't appreciate EVERYTHING. I need you all. There is no way I would still be alive and living without help. A car, food, money, sitters, discounts, you name it. I know everyone cares about me and wants me to get better and I know all the things above. Don't worry, I have crashed and burned.... yesterday in fact. The decrease in steroids had me falling asleep literally with food in my mouth. Don't go to kholes even if you have Kholes cash and a coupon at 7:30 at night.... that was a bad idea, even if your husbands needs clothes for work. You live you learn. I have hit more walls than you can imagine... where people couldn't even get in touch with me in the hospital..... I  see the walls coming. When I get tired, I stop for the most part, but sometimes, your tired and you can't use the CANCER card when you are a MOM and your ROSY needs you, or your mom needs you, sister, bro, dad, and other people I love. Sometimes you shouldn't be on your piggy feet (what I call when my feet swell) to make dinner, but you want to make dinner for your family. This is the new normal for now.

Besides the full time job of taking care of schedules, myself, and life in general, I do have other things I think about. I think about pretty garden, I think about fishing without a blue mask on, I think about not being fat anymore, I think about this camera I can't seem to get the pictures off of so that I can sell some things on ebay/craigs lists to make some money to get some boots that do not kill my feet and a camera that is Heather proof. I think about about back to school, or work, or my inventions, my art, singing places again. Insurance should pay for good shoes... another beef. I think about how I have worked since I was 15 years old and I like to work. I'd like to buy a hug wind chime to listen to to make the idea of probably not being able to garden the rest of my life bearable. I think about the risk of taking Evalyn around other kids and her getting sick, then worse me getting sick, and having to be away. I think about this stupid leak in my roof that we just can't seem to fix on our own and I'm scared that mold will start growing up there and make me sick. I think about not being able to use frequent flyer miles to go see my Uncle in Texas.I think about adding to this house so that we can have more children because I know some way some how God will fulfill that promise. I worry I will never finish this painting because my hands are so unsteady. This of course that is not everything. I could go on and on, as you know, Evalyn, Jonathan, family, and friends.

Well, not much of a devotional this morning for those reading. I guess I had to get that out. I myself will try not to tell someone I love they need to do this, when I just told them yesterday. They know, they just want some independence. Let's just all be honest. I can or I can't do this. That's simple. I thought the Daily Fast Fuel was good today.... remember the bibles with maps in them.... I think that is why I love maps so much and National Geographic of course. I should open my new pink bible and put on my dumb glasses, or get some bifocals like they recommended, ha 150 bucks.....comfortable shoes vs 31 year old with bifocals. hmmmmm. I also read out of Come Away my Beloved. When discussing the end of days and that God is waiting for us as a bridegroom, I love how she writes, " Though you see terror on every hand, only with your eyes will you look and see the reward of the wickedness. I shall preserve you and keep and you shall walk with ME in white."

One more thing, Evalyn knows how to say Jesus now and it is the sweetest. We went ahead and gave her a little Easter book about Jesus and she loves it. She will kiss him. When the people say "kill him" we say "hurt him" instead and she understood! Then she used the sign to break the hurt and smiled when he came back to life. Oh Lord, let my little girl always have a simple faith in you.

This Song " You Learn", listen to the words..... lots of truth here. This is my song for the day.
I hear my little girl calling..... what are we going to learn today? Gosh I wish I still had my where's the beef grey nightgown I had as a kid. Random.

Devotional and Random thoughts- 3/10

Nanny and Evalyn

It's been a year since my Nanny passed away. We are actually getting together with another side of the family and have a big surprised planned to cheer everyone up. My only regret with my Nanny was that if I knew someone could be in that much pain, now I know by experience, I would have rubbed her feet and legs more. I hope to write the story of how her and my pop met in the family ties section soon. I love and miss you Nanny. We will see you soon. Everyone else.... please quit smoking. That's all I have to say about that right now. Besides the fact that now I'm crying and my dog is obsessively licking me. Better get it out now because I plan on wearing makeup. Yes, Nanny, I know I have a butt now. Then I would dance and she would say "Whoo Hoo."

Ps 89:1
 I will sing of the mercies of the Lord forever: with my mouth will I make known your faithfulness to all generations. 


To all the generations.... think of how much we do not know of our ancestors and how God led them to their promise lands. Luckily, my uncle Mike is the family historian that will be past down to me. But there are a lot of stories that unless they are written down they are lost. I'm in the process of interviewing my grandfather and writing down some stories. It's amazing that I am here, the amount of times he came so close to death and God lifted him up and said, "nope, I have plans for you mister." One story was when he was in love with some girl in Miami and he had that choose to finish flight school there or Athens. God told him no about Miami and guess what? He obeyed God and I believe he was blessed a hundred fold for that decision. Seek the Lord with all your heart. I didn't in my teens an early 20's and paid the consequences. Lucky for me, God knows all paths and was able to get me back on the course I needed to be on.

Psalm 55:22           If you are down and out... read this verse, or not.

I know leave with one of my Nanny's favorite songs and mine too. I hope it gets stuck in your head all day like it will be in mine, hee hee. My Pops name was Jack.
Hit the Road Jack

Daily Thoughts and Devotional 3/9- GIve and you shall receive

You people know that I don't expect you to read EVERYTHING I write. That is why I have the nifty list on the right, which I need to organize a little in case you don't give a rats ass about my medical stuff and just want to see pics of Evalyn. Or you don't don't like really really good looking kids and just want to see what weird things are happening to my body. Sicko. So, you won't hurt my feelings, just comment sometimes so I know that you are there...sorry about that one post where I fussed at everyone. I would really like my family, hmmmmm, to comment most of all.

Today is Diane's/ Nanny's birithday. Her and her husband work for my grandparents. Evalyn can say Wayyynnneee real good. Country like. She cleans, sews, drives sometimes when my Pop will let her, goes to the t store, cooks, best eggs I know, besides yours Daniel, and sometimes I get to borrow her to do the things I can't do. I can't make up my bed like she does and she likes to get Chloe's hair up. Wayne is able to lay brick and is a good honest worker. We are lucky to have them and be able to trust them. Most of all she loves Evalyn.
 Happy Birthday Diane!!!!

I missed my Nanny's birthday this week. She passed away last year. I felt bad that I didn't call my mom. I really thought that Monday was Thursday, no kidding. I really understand how older people feel when they start to get confused, it's kinda scary... so I'm going about it hippie style instead and just try to laugh at myself and be free in my crazy moments.

"For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you" Luke 6:38  

Devotional:   Today I read from my devotional book again and the title is "God's Economy". Funny, will all the politacal stuff going on, which I don't watch or care about very much... I know, I know. I just can't watch the news... I can do some John Stewart but that's it. I just listen to the different sides of the family and then say, " They are all crooks, and try to change the subject" I use cancer if I have too. Anyway, my small groups leader, Sean, always says that " there is no waste in God's enconomy." I'm sure that he could elaborate on that me but what I take from it is that even when we mess up God is STILL able to use the situation for overall good, besides the horrible lessons us humans may have to learn. We've all heard that  giving is better than receiving, give with a joyful heart or it doesn't count, etc.

Man, have we seen people give to us over the last couple of years. People loving and taking care of Evalyn, dealing with our rules and schedules, taking care of dogs, cleaning our house, encouraging Jonathan to finish school, food, yard work, house repairs, rides to Emory, money, iturnes, visits in the hospital, hats, borrowing clothes for my fat butt and Evalyn's tummy, fundraising for Be the Match, signing up for Be the Match, random gifts and encouraging cards, but most of all prayers to our Lord on our behalf. I know all these have blessed and helped us, but I have been told that the blessings have come back to these people. My Dad always talked about this after we got into church. He followed the Lord and obeyed when it came to giving 10 percent and even more. Each time he did, it was like it would come back to them. I have watched my family go from poor... and I grew up kinds poor.... to being able to bless others even more. They have always been there in my time of need. Same for other family members that have been blessed. I believe they have been blessed finanicially because they blessed others when God told them to do so.

 Even in our low middle class state, not complaining, we are ok besides this dang roof leak that haunts me, God told me that we should give some money to the lady and her family who was in the tornadoes and the she lost part of both of her legs saving her kids. I've been praying about it for a couple of days, and today's devotional confirms it.I like the quote in the devotional that says, "Your giving seems sacrificial only when viewed in the light of what other use you could have made of the money."  and " Indeed you shall see in what miraculous ways I will care for your needs." Listen to the birds this morning.... they will find food, they do not have a worry. I leave you with Bob Marley.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3EOVe-8coE

Daily Devotional 3/8- The little things

My little girl is getting her first live vaccines this morning with my mom and then going to be gone for two days because I can't be around her due to the "shedding of the virus". It used to be 2 weeks. I cried this morning because I couldn't take her and comfort her, but Grandma is the next best thing. She was so happy to see her yesterday. I'm sure my mom is going to have a rough day with her getting shots and then having to drive so far back to her house. I'm really lucky to have such a great mom, in laws, family, and friends, in general. Couldn't sleep again last night, I don't really stress about it much anymore, I'm doing all I can. I get to pray more so that's a positive, of course I also get some attitude sometimes too. Like when Jonathan asked me to roll over because I was snoring and I told him I didn't want to. Sorry. I have a cough today... not good so pray for that to go away.


I'm reading out of Come Away my Beloved today. I love the verse: 2 Corinthians 4:8-9  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. Do any of you remember that song "yes Lord" and that was the bridge of the song?


It also mentions 2nd Cor 4:2  and talks about our dealings with others. You know, there's the white lies, the withholding of information, little things that we just think are not so bad compared to others. Guilty. I'm going tomorrow to pay a chiropractor that didn't take debit cards at the time, and I saw him 5 years ago. He never sent me a bill and I kept forgetting. He'll probably be shocked. Well now that my back hurts again, I'm going back to the doc and that is what reminded me. Maybe that is why my back hurts. We also have a T shirt guy that we need to pay back that made us shirts when we found out we were pregnant. Not sure why we didn't pay him... guess cancer hit and we forgot. Excuses. We did finally pay the candy shop in Madison that didn't take cards and she just gave us the candy. Don't worry, I'm not afraid to get what I need back. I will go to Walmart in a heart beat for $2. Yesterday, I got $75 back for "mother's morning out" since Evalyn could only go once and I can't be around a lot of kids. Why so much about money? Well, it seems to me that is where people have the most issues. Of course there are the white lies.... see the video below... love this song. 




http://www.tv.com/video/10404844/lie-to-me--lie-to-me--white-lie-song-from-12-14


God will bless us in the big things as we grow to be responsible for the little things.... like children... his children. He wants us to come to him with a clean heart, contrite spirit, and honesty. Does that mean we can ever be perfect.. well, not here at least. I want the Lord to do miracles in my life and not just my health, but with people around me, with the words I say, things that matter, the big and the little. Now when I go back to store today where I have to take something back and the lady was so unhelpful yesterday, I will try very hard to be nice and not talk to her manager. 


God Bless!

Daily Devotional 3/7- woke up angry

Not sure why I woke up angry this morning. Maybe because I snore now since the transplant and I wake up in the middle of the night and my husband has had to leave me. Or maybe because I had a dream it was raining and my plans to take my neighbour Eva and Granny shopping and out to eat would be ruined. Or maybe, maybe, I was just hungry. Either way, I woke up at 5, and even got up and took a shower at 6:30am. Weird. My eyes are blood shot. I'm behind, even though I got up early, but for once I have on clothes, shoes, and makeup before Evalyn gets up.

I feel very confused at times, like I don't know what I'm doing, or putting milk in the cabinet more often than not. There are times that I'm not sure what day it is. I think that the Lord right now is helping me get more organized so that I can focus more on him. I live in a boat house, not really but it is like one, and we have to keep it organized. I'm making a command central with Evalyn's schedule, emergency numbers, an everything you need to know about Evalyn Rose, and things we are working on. We have done this before and it helps me not to be so anxious if something happens and I have 10 different people here. Does God care about my organization... I think he does... if it give me more time to spend with him instead of trying to find a matching shoe. That's what he wants, ME. I don't even have a verse today. Just a song I sang at my Nanny's funeral.... blessed assurance, Jesus is mine.....

I hope you have a wonderful day!

Daily Devotional 3/6

Not sure if I can get it together this morning. Got off my mojo plan in the middle of the night when I fell asleep, very well mind you, in the recliner. My plan was to acually go to bed and sleep through the night, or at least try to do so. My steriods have been reduced and I'm starting to crash..... I'm glad that my mom is getting Evalyn for a couple of days because the rest of this week I may just sleep. So I woke up at one with my back hurting... this recliner, although I'm thankful for it, is on its last lumbar support. Then I went to bed where my bladder decided not to cooperate for the rest of the night and I think I just got up at about 4:00 to the alluring call of my new heated blanket. As I read some verses this morning, nothing really jumped out at me.... but does it really have to?

I'm so thankful that I did not have bone pain last night. There is no reason I should not have.... it was scheduled you know. With the reduction of my regular steriods plus the double dose on Sat, and a few things I should not have done yesterday, and the history, well I kinda expected it. I still have a ways to go, so continue to pray for no bone pain.  I can go without sleep, it's the sleep, pain, and taking care of a tot. Continued prayers needed for growth in Jonathan's job, health for us all, NO Fungal Pnuemonia, medical bills to stay down, sick and down family members, plans for the future such as a VACATION. A little 4 year old boy and his parents are waiting to see if my family member is a bone marrow match for him.

So my devotion this morning is to be devoted and thankful to the Lord for answering the prayers of many. Being grateful for people that write my name on their mirror and tell me their church is praying for us. To trust and know that God's plan is bigger than mine. To have peace that whether I'm healed here or in heaven, that I will be healed. To have wonderful support all around me from sitters, friends, yoga, family, physicians, and my dogs.

Please listen to this song on You tube..... It's called "you have redeemed my soul". It's one of mine and my Corynne's favorite.

Daily Devotional 3/5

           I'm in the art of tricking myself to do things. I'm up! I'm having trouble fitting in my daily eye routine so I decided to do one of them in the morning. That made me set still long enough to at least pray for a few minutes even though my mind wonders so much, it was probably like a minute. Another way I trick myself if making sure I have sitters for my free exercise classes, then I don't have an excuse not to go... or sometimes I'll give up totally and can't drive or something and just go down to my Grandparents house and eat their food and drink their coffee. I try to make up for it with my witty comedy, sad leftovers, and waiting on them when their stubborn selves will let me, and buying stuff they need and being sneaky not to let them pay me back. I'm stubborn too, don't really like to ask for help. Off on a tangent again.

            So this morning, I read from one of my devotionals called Come Away My Beloved by Frances J. Roberts. I've mentioned this before, it is written just like the Creator of the universe is talking right to you. One of the qoutes said, " You cannot ignore my voice without experiencing pain, you cannot turn a deaf ear to my words without getting in the enemies snare".  Reminds me of when Evalyn fell off the porch. Ouch. Or last night, when she got into trouble and her Dad experienced "this hurts me more than it hurts you", for the first time. God really doesn't ask much of us. It also said that" We have not cried to him with all our hearts, but complain that God doesn't hear our prayers." I know that is the truth for me.... why now Lord, why this, why me, when, when, Are we there yet..... If a bird was flying at the same speed as us what time would they arrive, which is something my daughter Corynne asked when she was little trying not to get in trouble with her Dad in the car. 

Check out Hebrews 11:6- those that diligently seek him. and Jeremiah 29:13- with all your heart.

We try to seek so much with all out heart- money, family, status and diligently work to make sure that dinner is on the table, that we look good enough, that we find a job that gives us fulfillment. I have to continue to remind myself to seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added to me. For me, it's little sins that I know I need out of my life that can block the lines of communication.... well why would he give me something big to do if I can't even put my necklace away (another Evalyn reference). I'm not a baby in Christ anymore, or a tot, but I've still got a lot of seeking to do with ALL my heart. 

Daily Devotional 3/4- The doubts

http://www.dailyfastfuel.com/2012/02/drive-dark-of-doubt-away.html

I've been looking at this devotional online for a week now and really like it. This one goes right with what I was talking about yesterday. So I won't rehash that. I think today, I'm a little down due to the coming off some the steroids and not having as much energy as I have, so I'm just sitting here, thinking about what I need to be doing. I didn't drive much into my devotional this morning because I was chemo brained into looking a some boots that I feel like I need, because well, I don't have any I can wear.... they are all high hill, and I just can't do it anymore. And my cuz gets a discount. And my feet get cold. I have garden boots, but can't really wear those out..... excuses, excuses, then I started going through pictures of yesterday because it was so much fun and I wanted to see them, then started commenting on people's posts on facebook. Given, I did wake up at like 3 pm this morning and the extra pump of steroids from yesterday is still pumping, but only in my brain and fingers. Then I started working on my ebay sells and I think I feel asleep in the recliner. Geez, sorry Lord. I did praise the Lord for this awesome eclectic blanket that helped the bone plain. Got to get a bath, give Evalyn a bath, go to gym, set up sitters, take a nap, ha ha, cook dinner wash never ending clothes, go through her clothes for some consignment money this week, finish a painting, somehow..... but we all know not everything on list happens, just like this was suppose to be on the list for 7 am. Thank goodness her understands my lack of ability to concentrate like a dog- BALL!  Maybe that's why all dogs go to heaven.... except God doesn't tell us we are like dogs, he tells us we are sheep which are a lot dumber than dogs. Shoot.

“Joyful, joyful, we adore Thee, 

God of glory, Lord of love;

Hearts unfold like flowers before Thee, 

opening to the sun above.

Melt the clouds of sin and sadness; 

drive the dark of doubt away;

Giver of immortal gladness, 

fill us with the light of day!

Daily Devotional 3/3- choose to believe

                I can pretty much talk or out talk myself out of anything now. I use to not be able to change my mind very much but know my more like a dandelion than that huge weed next to my mom's pool that I would take down if I could touch it. God told me a while back to get up early, there's a verse for that, before Evalyn and spend some time with the Lord. I seem to do well went I'm jacked up on steroids but when I come down.... not so good. I'm starting to come down... except on Sat when I get like a huge dose of extra ones and I turn into a TAZ. Decided that Sat was the best day to do it since we are busy and my husband can take my cards away. There I go again, getting off the subject. God must either laugh at my wandering mind or shake his head. So I've decided to start blogging about some of my devotionals and need you all to say " hey, I haven't seen a devotional in a while, what the heck are you doing not obeying God, when you expect your 19 month old to obey you." They may or may not touch you, nor do you have to read them. Hmmm.... should I put Daily, that's sounds like a lot. What about I'll shoot for Daily and not get too mad at myself when it doesn't happen.
                 I would like to talk about something personal on this devotional... ha ... like it hasn't been personal. As you know we have a little girl. The desire of my heart is for her not to be an only child. Not because there is anything wrong with only children (weirdos) but because I love my siblings so much, I can't imagine not having them. I can't imagine them not being there for events, for deaths, for Evalyn's birth. I'm the oldest of 5... get this.... I have 2 on my mom and step dad's side (I call him dad), and two from my father (call him dad too) and ex step mother, one of which is acually my adopted 1st cousin once removed. Some may say 2nd cousin, but I believe my friend Sean... ummm deer jerky. Jesus in heaven, help me focus.
                 Not that having kids is in the front of my mind... its in the back mostly but there have been a lot of things to bring it forward and something I'd like to start praying about. I have had a lot of people ask about if I want more kids, am I going to have more kids, etc.... not sure if that is just a normal question or because I have a prednizone belly and they are polity asking if I am in fear I may just be fat. Yea yea, I don't need a back pat. Then in small group we were studying Romans 4 and discussed that Abraham and Sarah were in there 90's plus when God's promise was fulfilled and she was completely barren. Then I was reminded that my sister, Anna, who just turned 20, was a 1 in a million shot. Check out the verse to the right of this page.... it really spoke to me. How can I believe that someone was raised from the dead, had children when barren, and God speaks to me in my dream, and just pass off that God would love me enough to allow me to have more children... how and whens up to him of course.
               Here is my current situation according the the docs. I'm fried... yep,  between total body radiation and the chemo my ovaries are in complete failure and I'm currently going through menepause, like I need that too. Because my body is not creating the hormones that need, I'm doing some hormone replacement therapy, partly because they don't want me to lose my mind at 31 with everything else going on, and partly to save my uterus in order to possibly carry a baby one day. The specialist in Atlanta says that he doesn't see any reason I could not carry a baby with a donated egg. The issue of me carrying another child would be my health and money, although he said there is funding for this type of thing for research and such. If and when I could come off the oral chemo that at this point they say I will be on the rest of my life, however, lab rats, human ones, have gotten off the oral chemo for 5 years and have not relapsed. Another option would be to have a surrogate mother carry a donated egg and then it be half Jonathan's. I had always wanted to do something like that for someone one day.I feel that it would be the most unselfish thing anyone could ever do. They of course want you to already have your own children. If we went that route, I would hope someone in my family would consider. I also have a heart for foster children that are "stuck" in the system. Don't get me started.
             Let's get back to what God wants, because, that is what is going to happen anyway, if I follow his lead and if I believe. See like Abraham, we get impatient with the desires of our heart and try to take care of them ourselfs. He went an had a child by one of his maids, to "help" God along. I almost got another dog, to be my new baby. Which I will get another boston, brown and white, and name her Penny, one day. But that's not what was best right now.
                I know what you are thinking, you can't take of the one you got right now... People, I'm talking years down the road. God doesn't need a timeline... he promised Abraham and Sarah like 20 years before it happened! He promised 1,000's of years that the Son of God would come, and he did. It's about trusting, about beleiveing, it about remembering that we have an all powerful God that is not limited by our realities, issues, past experience, or even what the experts say.
             In Romans 4, it says "Against all Hope.:
¹⁸ Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.”^[d] 19 Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. ²⁰ Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, ²¹being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. ²² This is why “it was credited to him as righteousness.” ²³ The words “it was credited to him” were written not for him alone, ²⁴ but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. ²⁵ He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.