FYI I’m probably going to keep adding to this over the next couple of months…
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| My sister, Jenna Boo |
When faced with a disease that could cut your life short and you have a lot of time on your hands, it is very easy to take a long hard look at your life: What you are thankful for doing and regret not doing. I’m not trying to be morbid, but this is real stuff here, real feelings. I think it is a normal part of coping with mortality, whether you are 30 or 100. I’ve always had a kind of “bucket list” anyway. Then, when you get finished hashing that out, if you allow God to pull you out of the hole of self pity, you start to think of new hopes and dreams… and of taking a trip to Europe a little sooner than 5 years. Don’t worry; I confident that God had told me that this is his plan and that everything is going to be ok. Sometimes, God’s ok and our ok, doesn’t match up. Either way, his will be done. I hope to write about these stories more specifically in the near future… they all had some life lessons for me.
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| A coke bottle and batman sign |
Thankfulness: First and foremost that we have a God that loves us enough not keep us the way we are..... for my dear husband and the sweetest baby in the world! I have always been willing to take a trip at the word “go”. I have some wanderlust and have always enjoyed seeing new places and meeting new people. I have been very lucky to experience some of the things that I have….. some people on my caseload have never seen the ocean and they live 4 hours away. My parents have always been willing to let me go, ha ha. I have the ability to say no to other, except I will say no. I'll have to write on just the word no. I have been able to go to Camp Rock Eagle for 4 H, both space centers, Ossabaw Island 7x’s,Little river canyon, hiking on the Appilation Trail, countless camping trips, a road trip out to Arizona and Colorado, seen the Grand Canyon,going on a road trip with just me and Chloe to Memphis, to see my father, and to visit friends in Ohio, seeing New York in ’98, 2 mission trips to Haiti that has forever changed me, repaired houses in Birmingham, been on cruises, hiked around an island that no one lived on, going on trips by myself to the Hostel, spending time in Rockport Texas with my aunt before she passed away, trying new and different food such as bear, raccoon, pig ears, weird soup in Haiti, sushi, etc, I glad I can sing in front of anyone now and that I like to dance, anywhere! Kayaked on rivers and through a mangrove forest, rode through the desert to find hyrogifics, hot springs, and see the sunset over the sea of cacti, swam with a dolphin, taking kickboxing, learning the guitar, singing in public, learning to crochet, painting, finishing paintings, learning to fish and learning to clean my own fish, working in restaurants, with the elderly, children, and people with developmental disabilities. I have won races, costume contests, dance contest, and a limo battle :).
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| I'm lucky to know the Lane's. I love you Tasha! |
People: I am so lucky to have met some of the best people in my life and to be able to have the friends and family that I do. I used to believe that I needed this big group of friends that all knew each other and went around in packs… think high school. I’m glad that I got over that later because you really get to know people in small group setting better. A lot of my friends don’t know each other, it’s ok. I’m thankful that I made the effort, for the most part, to stay close to my family and that they have always open their doors to me to stay the night and visit. I’m thankful for taking my brother, Daniel, to play games for his birthday so many times and trying to beat the Jurassic park game, going rock climbing with Daniel finding out that I love it, for taking my sister, Jennifer, and her friends on a secret trip out….shhhhhh, for enjoying the treasure hunt my Dad set up for me, for telling my mom the dream and insisting she stay home that day, protecting my sister on a couple occasions, climbing stone mountain on Easter morning with my cuz Andy, going to Atlanta fest music festival in ’98 where I first met Jonathan, seeing all my grandparents on a regular basis as soon as I could drive, going to Conyers to see my Nan, Pop, Laurie, and Jeff then seeing my aunt Judy and Mike. Thank goodness I went to the store and fishing with my Poppa Jack that day even though I had a really good feeling nothing lived in that pond. We didn’t catch anything but time together, perfect. I’m thankful that my step family accepted me as their own (well all but one), loving animals, saving turtles from the middle of the street and finding home for stray dogs, going on a cruise with just my mom, loving my step-daughters as my own, being friends with my ex-husband, learning from my wise neighbors, my college boyfriend Camilo taught me a lot about myself and continues to inspire me, moving to Athens, seeing my sister Anna, and brother, Scott, even when it would have been easy just not to “deal with it” due to it falling on me .
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| My brother, Scott! |
I’m not going to rehash all that happen because you don’t really need to know and Michael and I are friends now. I want to be clear. Michael is a good man, I’m glad to know him and I like him. Were we right for each other, I don’t think so, at least not where I was as a person then. Did we break up and immediately become friends, ummm no…. That’s what is great about forgiveness about choosing to forgive. Who I am now and where I am now, is partly because of him and those wonderful girls and Michael. I’m thankful for my relationship with Corynne, Rileigh, and Shannen and I wouldn’t change it for anything. Michael and Jonathan are on great terms, we have a good time, Michael helps out with Chloe and the turtles because he loves them too, he helped us get a dead squirrel out the ceiling this past year, and has been very supportive with this diagnosis. He told me once while we were dating “I’ll be your huckleberry”. Well, he partly still is. I know that I can count on him… Jonathan and I know that we can count on him. Evalyn will know him as Mr. Michael. I hope that he knows that he can count on us. So, please, no more comments about Michael unless it is to comment on who he is, not who I mirrored him to be through a painful divorce. Water under the bridge: a bridge built by love and forgiveness by God that cannot be torn down.
Doing what God Says: I’m not a very obedient person sometimes. So none of this deserves a pat on the back, it wasn’t even my idea. There have been times when God had told me to do something and I actually did it, when he said to do it. Imagine that. Sometimes it was a clear, “Do this now”, and sometimes it was a very quiet push that it was the right thing to do. It’s called a conscience and for some reason some people don’t have one. If you feel like you don’t, you may be able to purchase on e bay, someone sold their soul on there once. Dark Humor again. There was a time where I asked God a question and there as an earthquake, first one felt in GA that I ever remembered, and I didn’t listen. Stupid girl. That a garbage song. Garbage was a band.
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| We love to be silly! |
I glad that at a high school dance, when a boy from the special education program asked me to dance, I said yes. Was I embarrassed, uh huh, there was a group of students making fun of us the whole time and into the next day, but I’m glad I did it. I was driving down the road once and saw this elderly lady mowing her lawn. For some reason, God told me to stop and help her for a while, and she said ok and watched me mess up her lines. I decided I didn’t want grass to mow when I grew up and we don’t have grass… we have leaves, mountains of leaves. I glad that I told people my dreams when God said that I should, even when they looked at me crazy,and following my intuition about people and places with what I call a demonic presence, staying with someone all night as they went through heroin withdrawals, stopping to listen to people’s stories when I was in a hurry because I have something written on my forehead that say “talk to me, I’m friendly” Maybe I have an invisible tail that wags. I have been told to stand up for people that can't stand up for themselves. That is always a little scary. My step daughter Shannen did that took didn’t you girl? For choosing, at times, to sit with or talk to people that were sitting by themselves, new to a school, and obviously lonely. There have been many more anti authority issues then obeying going on in my life. I’m lucky that God sees me for who he knows I am and not who I made myself to be. I’m obeying more now, maybe I needed this to happen to me to have a crash molding course and all or any of you changing because of it, it just a pleasant surprise in the ripples.
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No regrets with these silly puppies, I miss you! Chloe knew that it was bath time now.
Next up Regrets… not self loathing… but I do hope someone for Pete’s sake, learns something from my mistakes, besides me. Ahem…. I think a few of you know I’m talking about you! Maybe it was good I have not been able to get the rest of this blog completed since Tuesday, I might be easier on myself. Don’t worry, I’m going to keep it short because after that are my hopes and dreams for next stage of life. Way more exciting!
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| My sister Anna, and a very preggo Hather |
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