HOLY COW. THIS IS LONG.
FYI, my husband says I need an editor. Maybe he should do it :). Maybe I should try harder..... I know that I can't spell and have horrible grammar, heck I just had to look up how to spell grammar. My boyfriend, is college, Camillo, from ECUADOR, would correct me. English was not even his first language. It's just not my gift.... if English is a love in your life and your feel the need or want to go through all this Rambling and correct it. Feel Free, it won't hurt my feelings. I don't think it is very important at this point, but, hey, to each their own.
THE DREAM:A LITTLE BACKGROUND FIRST
Ok, I think I'm finally ready to write about the dream that I had last Sat night. Before some of you think that I'm crazy for saying that God gives me dreams, think of the amount of dreams that God gave people in the Bible. It's not like I'm saying I spoke to a burning bush or anything....but if I saw/heard one I would listen... and you should too. One of my techs, Gladys, wanted to hear my dream and asked several days in a row, so I finally told her. She said, you must be "really religious."
Um, if you know me, you know that I'm not close to the word religious, at least what I feel the word means. If anything, I like to lose my religion in favor of something more real and personal. I'm one of those people that believe Jesus was not considered "religious" while on earth and that if he came down to visit me, we would enjoy a nice, wonderful, beer together, maybe at a bar, and he would somehow gently reach someone that needed help at that bar. HMMM.....BEEEEERRRRRRR. DON'T read too much into that ramble, if God told you not to drink, well DON'T. Gladys then asked if I knew that I was favored by God. I thought about that.... and I want to be clear. I don't think that I'm "special" because God uses dreams to get his point across. If anything, God may decide to screw with my sleep because I'm so damn stubborn sometimes and miss the other "quiet" ways that he tells me things. You may be living in the spirit to the point that you are naturally following the will of the Lord with more ease than some, you may hear the Lord through the actions and words of other people, you may have a better prayer life than I do and actually wait patiently for the answers God has for you, you may worship in such a way that the spirit guides you and shows you what you need to do, or you may follow your "gut" as the leading of the Lord, or you may actually read the bible on a daily basis. So before you say " I wish God gave me dreams." as Gladys did that day.... It is not so easy. I've always been sensitive to the spirit world that is around us... both good and evil. The things that God uses in our lives can also be a target range for the power of darkness. As a child, I had very bad nightmares, and even now, and still feel to this day that it was the hold that Satan had over my my family at the time. It took to my last teens, early twenties, to start listening to the God dreams, some of them are pizza :). As you know, I'm not a good sleeper, that is mostly because I have so many dreams. Sometimes God has to give me a dream within a dream... talk about a stubborn chick. If at some point God decides to talk to me more in a quiet way, DURING WAKING HOURS, I don't think I will be too upset. Maybe one day, I'll blog about the dream where I truly believe my Mom's life was spared.... remember mom? Ok, now that is out of the way and you won't think I'm some sort of freak or that God must love me more or something else stupid..... :).....be careful what you wish for... I wished for room service. Brother, sorry I couldn't explain this to you better in person on Monday... that was a painful day. I'm so thankful for the talk we had and that you are seeking God's will in your life.... can't wait till you come back to Athens! Thank God I wrote this down....
The dream started out with me feeling confused with my eyes closed. I asked if it was ok for Evalyn to come in the room now and that I wanted to see Evalyn. I opened my eyes to see that I was on a pod like stretcher. Let me describe... This "PS", as I will refer to it for now on for "pod stretcher", included me on a stretcher wrapped in huge brown bandages around the entire PS. There was no way that I was the only one in this thing... as I would soon find out. FYI, I could not move but could see and hear. Let me describe the setting as I started to look around..... it looked like a crash scene and there were hundreds of these PS's all around for as far as I could see. There were other people coming in very fast, people walking around, and those brown bandages floating through the air. The sky was very blue and I could hear people talking and some were crying for their family members. At this point in the dream, I knew that this was AFTER the bone marrow transplant. That many people have been here, some had made it some had not. It was like I was hurtled through space and time to be able to see this scene. Oddly enough, this dream happened right at the "time change" Sat night. Although, I know that this is man made, I think that God was trying to show me that his time is different. He is outside of time, the Creator of time, and is of course looking at the big picture and not our little linear time line.
Back to the dream... I started to realized that I was indeed not alone in the PS. A lot of people were along for the ride. Not sure how we all fit, but hey it is a dream. I watched a piece of the brown bandages flapped up in the wind to revile a doctor looking into my bone with some special glasses. I started to hear the voices of my family and then other piece of the bandage flapped up. I saw my daughter, Evalyn. She was still mostly covered except for a little bit of her face and one big blue eye. She had a scratch under her eye, but looked happy, and ok. Under another flap, I saw a petry dish like thing, were they had put the donated bone marrow.
Then, out from under the PS, my big, strong, 6"2', brother Daniel, appeared. Daniel flashed me that wonderful big smile of his that we all love so much. I got the feeling that Daniel had been guiding the PS, or at least keeping other PS's from hitting us, or maybe that he was unwrapped first and was then in charge of getting everyone else out safely. So as it goes in the Wizard of OZ... you were there, and you were there. I knew that everything was alright. That it had taken many, many people making the right decisions for the BMT to be a success. Everyone that I saw, looked a little different, a little wiser maybe, changed. I started to slip away and I really didn't want to because I wanted to see everyone and wanted to get out myself.......waking up.
Usually when I wake up from a dream, I just wake up, think about the dream, and then try to go back to sleep. This was nuts. I was freezing sweating, a little confused, and had to pee really bad. I can't remember at what point I dialed the nurse, but it was mainly to get a warm blanket. I think I mumbled to her that God gave me a dream and said that it would be ok. I think she thought was was crazy, because she put up the bed rail, like I was going to fall out of bed. I think I laughed to myself and told her that I was ok and I wasn't going to fall out. At that point, I texted my siblings, to make sure that they were ok, they are used to my dreams and "feelings." I think they used to be annoyed by it, but now they seem to listen to what I, well God, has to say.
INTERPRETATION- I basically wrote the parts that I felt I understood within the explanation of the dream. I know by now that some of the things I may never understand and what I think I understand may change and I may say "oh, that's what you meant God." I'm starting to think that my brothers decision to come back to Athens, is part of the "driving the PS", because he is probably going to be giving me rides from Athens to Emory when he can. I also have known for a long time that God has his hand on my brother to do great things in the Lord and end a cycle that has affected many people in the family. I feel that my match is out there and that they need to make the decision to sign up. I feel that my family, friends, anyone that come in contact with this situation, follows the Lords leading to give to us or others, sends an encouraging word, makes a visit, stops doing something God said not to do, or starts, is made to feel more grateful for their blessings, makes us food, prays a little more, watches our baby, loves their family a little more, decides to sign up to be a bone marrow donor, ends up saving someone else life, spend time at donor drives or spreading the word about BE THE MATCH, etc will be changed by ALL of our actions for the better. The outpouring of love alone from everyone has changed my life forever. I wouldn't change that for anything.
As in the Donald Miller book I mentioned in one of the first blogs, I am a tree in a story about a forest. Make no mistake, this is NOT ABOUT ME... God's plans are huge. The story of your life is NOT ALL ABOUT YOU. And what is the point of a story if the characters do not change? I don't pretend to know 100% what is going to happen or that I'm FOR SURE going to live to be 90. Of course, you don't either. I do know %100 that God is here, with us, right now, gently guiding us through this fallen word. Or sometimes, it's not so gently if we didn't heed to his direction. Do I think that the price of darkness is working against the will of God. Oh yes. Make no mistake we are in battle. You know that verse... not sure where it is at this second. Why do bad things happen to good people? HMMMM... this is what I have to say about that. We live in a fallen world where there are many, many, fallen people, us too. Our free will, allows us to live outside the will of God. A dangerous place. Unfortunately, a drunk drivers decision that leads to a mother of a 5 year old to be killed on mother's day ( really happened), is also like the decision for someone to bless someone's life by adopting a child out of a horrible no end situation. Our world is cause and effect. Do I think God caused and wanted me to have cancer?? NO. Something in this fallen word genetically changed my DNA and caused me to have this. Could he have stopped it. Yes. Well then why not stop it? Well..... could God stop you in your tracks right this second if you are doing something wrong and take you out? You betcha, thank God he doesn't do that very often. We have free will, shit happens, yada yada. That's where faith and hope come in. If everything was perfect my whole life would I have sought the Lord? I doubt it.
Let's listen to the Lord, lets stop fighting our circumstances and embrace where God has us now, look for what God wants us to do and learn, stop feeling sorry for ourselves and wishing our lives away, start saying the things we should say, start living our lives instead of waiting for life to happen to us, ..... you get the idea. As in Romans 8, our present sufferings are not worth comparing to the glory of what will be revealed, all things work for the good of those that love him, NOTHING can separate us from the love of God, you should read it.... I love the whole chapter.
Well, time to try and get a little sleep before the rest of the hospital gets up... don't worry, I went to bed at like 8 pm. I like the hours between 3-5 am, or maybe I have just learned to like them.
FYI, my husband says I need an editor. Maybe he should do it :). Maybe I should try harder..... I know that I can't spell and have horrible grammar, heck I just had to look up how to spell grammar. My boyfriend, is college, Camillo, from ECUADOR, would correct me. English was not even his first language. It's just not my gift.... if English is a love in your life and your feel the need or want to go through all this Rambling and correct it. Feel Free, it won't hurt my feelings. I don't think it is very important at this point, but, hey, to each their own.
THE DREAM:A LITTLE BACKGROUND FIRST
Ok, I think I'm finally ready to write about the dream that I had last Sat night. Before some of you think that I'm crazy for saying that God gives me dreams, think of the amount of dreams that God gave people in the Bible. It's not like I'm saying I spoke to a burning bush or anything....but if I saw/heard one I would listen... and you should too. One of my techs, Gladys, wanted to hear my dream and asked several days in a row, so I finally told her. She said, you must be "really religious."
Um, if you know me, you know that I'm not close to the word religious, at least what I feel the word means. If anything, I like to lose my religion in favor of something more real and personal. I'm one of those people that believe Jesus was not considered "religious" while on earth and that if he came down to visit me, we would enjoy a nice, wonderful, beer together, maybe at a bar, and he would somehow gently reach someone that needed help at that bar. HMMM.....BEEEEERRRRRRR. DON'T read too much into that ramble, if God told you not to drink, well DON'T. Gladys then asked if I knew that I was favored by God. I thought about that.... and I want to be clear. I don't think that I'm "special" because God uses dreams to get his point across. If anything, God may decide to screw with my sleep because I'm so damn stubborn sometimes and miss the other "quiet" ways that he tells me things. You may be living in the spirit to the point that you are naturally following the will of the Lord with more ease than some, you may hear the Lord through the actions and words of other people, you may have a better prayer life than I do and actually wait patiently for the answers God has for you, you may worship in such a way that the spirit guides you and shows you what you need to do, or you may follow your "gut" as the leading of the Lord, or you may actually read the bible on a daily basis. So before you say " I wish God gave me dreams." as Gladys did that day.... It is not so easy. I've always been sensitive to the spirit world that is around us... both good and evil. The things that God uses in our lives can also be a target range for the power of darkness. As a child, I had very bad nightmares, and even now, and still feel to this day that it was the hold that Satan had over my my family at the time. It took to my last teens, early twenties, to start listening to the God dreams, some of them are pizza :). As you know, I'm not a good sleeper, that is mostly because I have so many dreams. Sometimes God has to give me a dream within a dream... talk about a stubborn chick. If at some point God decides to talk to me more in a quiet way, DURING WAKING HOURS, I don't think I will be too upset. Maybe one day, I'll blog about the dream where I truly believe my Mom's life was spared.... remember mom? Ok, now that is out of the way and you won't think I'm some sort of freak or that God must love me more or something else stupid..... :).....be careful what you wish for... I wished for room service. Brother, sorry I couldn't explain this to you better in person on Monday... that was a painful day. I'm so thankful for the talk we had and that you are seeking God's will in your life.... can't wait till you come back to Athens! Thank God I wrote this down....
The dream started out with me feeling confused with my eyes closed. I asked if it was ok for Evalyn to come in the room now and that I wanted to see Evalyn. I opened my eyes to see that I was on a pod like stretcher. Let me describe... This "PS", as I will refer to it for now on for "pod stretcher", included me on a stretcher wrapped in huge brown bandages around the entire PS. There was no way that I was the only one in this thing... as I would soon find out. FYI, I could not move but could see and hear. Let me describe the setting as I started to look around..... it looked like a crash scene and there were hundreds of these PS's all around for as far as I could see. There were other people coming in very fast, people walking around, and those brown bandages floating through the air. The sky was very blue and I could hear people talking and some were crying for their family members. At this point in the dream, I knew that this was AFTER the bone marrow transplant. That many people have been here, some had made it some had not. It was like I was hurtled through space and time to be able to see this scene. Oddly enough, this dream happened right at the "time change" Sat night. Although, I know that this is man made, I think that God was trying to show me that his time is different. He is outside of time, the Creator of time, and is of course looking at the big picture and not our little linear time line.
Back to the dream... I started to realized that I was indeed not alone in the PS. A lot of people were along for the ride. Not sure how we all fit, but hey it is a dream. I watched a piece of the brown bandages flapped up in the wind to revile a doctor looking into my bone with some special glasses. I started to hear the voices of my family and then other piece of the bandage flapped up. I saw my daughter, Evalyn. She was still mostly covered except for a little bit of her face and one big blue eye. She had a scratch under her eye, but looked happy, and ok. Under another flap, I saw a petry dish like thing, were they had put the donated bone marrow.
Then, out from under the PS, my big, strong, 6"2', brother Daniel, appeared. Daniel flashed me that wonderful big smile of his that we all love so much. I got the feeling that Daniel had been guiding the PS, or at least keeping other PS's from hitting us, or maybe that he was unwrapped first and was then in charge of getting everyone else out safely. So as it goes in the Wizard of OZ... you were there, and you were there. I knew that everything was alright. That it had taken many, many people making the right decisions for the BMT to be a success. Everyone that I saw, looked a little different, a little wiser maybe, changed. I started to slip away and I really didn't want to because I wanted to see everyone and wanted to get out myself.......waking up.
Usually when I wake up from a dream, I just wake up, think about the dream, and then try to go back to sleep. This was nuts. I was freezing sweating, a little confused, and had to pee really bad. I can't remember at what point I dialed the nurse, but it was mainly to get a warm blanket. I think I mumbled to her that God gave me a dream and said that it would be ok. I think she thought was was crazy, because she put up the bed rail, like I was going to fall out of bed. I think I laughed to myself and told her that I was ok and I wasn't going to fall out. At that point, I texted my siblings, to make sure that they were ok, they are used to my dreams and "feelings." I think they used to be annoyed by it, but now they seem to listen to what I, well God, has to say.
INTERPRETATION- I basically wrote the parts that I felt I understood within the explanation of the dream. I know by now that some of the things I may never understand and what I think I understand may change and I may say "oh, that's what you meant God." I'm starting to think that my brothers decision to come back to Athens, is part of the "driving the PS", because he is probably going to be giving me rides from Athens to Emory when he can. I also have known for a long time that God has his hand on my brother to do great things in the Lord and end a cycle that has affected many people in the family. I feel that my match is out there and that they need to make the decision to sign up. I feel that my family, friends, anyone that come in contact with this situation, follows the Lords leading to give to us or others, sends an encouraging word, makes a visit, stops doing something God said not to do, or starts, is made to feel more grateful for their blessings, makes us food, prays a little more, watches our baby, loves their family a little more, decides to sign up to be a bone marrow donor, ends up saving someone else life, spend time at donor drives or spreading the word about BE THE MATCH, etc will be changed by ALL of our actions for the better. The outpouring of love alone from everyone has changed my life forever. I wouldn't change that for anything.
As in the Donald Miller book I mentioned in one of the first blogs, I am a tree in a story about a forest. Make no mistake, this is NOT ABOUT ME... God's plans are huge. The story of your life is NOT ALL ABOUT YOU. And what is the point of a story if the characters do not change? I don't pretend to know 100% what is going to happen or that I'm FOR SURE going to live to be 90. Of course, you don't either. I do know %100 that God is here, with us, right now, gently guiding us through this fallen word. Or sometimes, it's not so gently if we didn't heed to his direction. Do I think that the price of darkness is working against the will of God. Oh yes. Make no mistake we are in battle. You know that verse... not sure where it is at this second. Why do bad things happen to good people? HMMMM... this is what I have to say about that. We live in a fallen world where there are many, many, fallen people, us too. Our free will, allows us to live outside the will of God. A dangerous place. Unfortunately, a drunk drivers decision that leads to a mother of a 5 year old to be killed on mother's day ( really happened), is also like the decision for someone to bless someone's life by adopting a child out of a horrible no end situation. Our world is cause and effect. Do I think God caused and wanted me to have cancer?? NO. Something in this fallen word genetically changed my DNA and caused me to have this. Could he have stopped it. Yes. Well then why not stop it? Well..... could God stop you in your tracks right this second if you are doing something wrong and take you out? You betcha, thank God he doesn't do that very often. We have free will, shit happens, yada yada. That's where faith and hope come in. If everything was perfect my whole life would I have sought the Lord? I doubt it.
Let's listen to the Lord, lets stop fighting our circumstances and embrace where God has us now, look for what God wants us to do and learn, stop feeling sorry for ourselves and wishing our lives away, start saying the things we should say, start living our lives instead of waiting for life to happen to us, ..... you get the idea. As in Romans 8, our present sufferings are not worth comparing to the glory of what will be revealed, all things work for the good of those that love him, NOTHING can separate us from the love of God, you should read it.... I love the whole chapter.
Well, time to try and get a little sleep before the rest of the hospital gets up... don't worry, I went to bed at like 8 pm. I like the hours between 3-5 am, or maybe I have just learned to like them.
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