Nov. 19th THE SHAVE

                      I woke up yesterday morning with clumps of my hair coming out… blue mind you.  It was all over my bed, anything I touched, the floor, my food, and what I was wearing. I didn’t want to leave the room, one, because I was super tired, two, I didn’t want to leave a trail of blue hair. I knew my mom was coming with the clippers and couldn’t wait for her to get here. I felt like I had grand daddy long legs crawling on me… icky. As I said in the medical MJ, I didn’t feel well at all and there were several things going on.  Funny, after  I wrote the blog about how I was keeping it together, I was not keeping it together.  Luckily, my mom took care of me. She washed my clothes and dishes and helped me do other stuff. I was frustrated not to be able to do it myself! Thanks for helping Mom!

                 The perfect storm:  I received a call from my mom that this morning Evalyn rolled over for the first time (I should be there), Jonathan didn’t feel well and may not be able to see me, and I was about to SHAVE MY HEAD.  Could I really be trying to pretend that it was ok to shave my head?  I also had had just about enough of everything. I’m ready to go home. So for the first time really, I  was just sobbing in my room. My sweet Tech Gladys gave me a hug and encouraged me. I guess sometimes I don’t want to cry because I don’t like making other people upset and I don’t like my eyes to hurt and or to be stuffy. I even asked my Dad not to come visit because I felt horrible inside and out and didn’t want to have a pity party in front of him.  That really bothers me. Does it you? I want to be happy, smiling, productive, have energy, be positive, and when I don’t I feel guilty a little. Yea, Yea… don’t be so hard on yourself Heather. I’m sure you have things that you are hard on yourself about…. YEP. 

                 My BFF Jill and my Mom were here during the shave. I was a little worried about my mom cutting my hair… sorry mom…. But it was scary. So we did it pretty quick and then it took an Act of Congress        ( energy wise ) for me to take a shower…. I was too tired to cry about my hair, or lack of.  All in all, it doesn’t look as bad as I thought it would. I’m glad we didn’t all cry. No stuffy nose.  I just have one request in the hair department Lord… maybe two… I take the second over the first.  This was my selfish prayer         " Please Lord do not let my eyebrows fall out because I’m too lazy with make up to draw them on…. And since hair grows back different after chemo… how about some thick wavy hair?"  Yeaaaaa     What is great is that Jonathan, Evalyn, and I will all have no hair at the same time J The BALD CAPE’S