Day -4 and -3: Done with the Oven, Now for the icing

You can't see how swollen my neck was due to the huge ice pack!

I had to lay in this position forever! 

The huge radiation machine that zapped me. 

               Thank goodness I was able to get some sleep on Thursday night! I was so out, I didn't even wake up when they came to draw labs at 12 am. I never sleep that well. Usually I will wake up if someone touches, or even thinks about touching, the door knob. On Friday, I finished the last two rounds of radiation. I'm telling you, laying in the same position for that long is enough to drive you crazy. Silly me thought they would have an IPOD hook up but they did not, so I made a bunch of mixed CD's to take. I ended up leaving them there for those that come behind me. That last round was pretty emotional for me. It really stinks to have to do this much harm to my body in order to get better. I was trying not to cry because they don't want anything on your skin since it can make the side effects worse. I have to admit, I shed a few tears when they were almost finished, knowing there was a 99.9% chance that my ovaries were not going to be functional anymore. Not that Evalyn's not enough for us, but I never imagined I'd have just one child. Yea, I know, I know, God has a plan, there's always adoption, I'm young and you never know, yada yada. That doesn't help me feel better at this point. Not to mention all the other risks that come along with that much radiation. I swear they are trying to turn me into a paranoid schizophrenic.
               My glands in my neck are not swollen anymore and my bone and muscle pain I was having is gone. Very glad about that! My EKG came back fine, but they are still concerned about my high pulse rate. I feel that it has always ran a little high. They are going to keep an ear on it. Hee Hee. I still have a sinus infection, not a good thing to have when your immune system is being shut down. I'm pretty much on every anti medication possible right now and my tummy is not happy about it. Another side effect of the radiation, is that my salivary glands are not functioning correctly. When I take a bit of something, it's like I put 5 crackers in my mouth, except it tastes worse than crackers. So... eating is not going so well. They said that I need to try things that goes down easy, wet and mushy basically. Wow, that makes me hungry. I'm also on a diet restriction. I don't understand all of it yet but I know can't have any raw veggies or fruit. I was out of it when I read it the first time.  My BMT doctor is Dr. Flowers. I like him a lot, he looks like Tiger Woods, but that's not why I like him. He let me know that next week is going to be pretty bad and that there may be a short time where I'm not eating anything. Well, I guess it's a good thing  I never lost that last 10 lbs of baby weight! It is very hard for me to concentrate and to do much. Even writing this blog is taking forever. As I start to feel worse they may get shorter or Jonathan may have to take over for a few days.
                On Friday night, my sister and brother came to visit. We took a nice walk on campus and got some food at the food court. We were entertained by a group of what looked like high schoolers, sparring with foam weapons and shields. Jennifer and I agreed that if your going to do something like that, you should just go all the way and dress the part. It was such a beautiful day and I saw some gorgeous tulips. I took some pictures of them but I wasn't in the mood to stand next to two very very good looking people with my mask on for a picture.

Jennifer and Daniel, I love them so much!

I don't think my tulips at home are this pretty!

               I have been feeling pretty depressed the last little while,  knowing how long I'm going to be here and that it is going to get much much worse before it gets better. I even turned on the T.V. last night. I watched some good GA shows on PBS. I did get to move to a better room so that was nice, but then Jennifer helped me unpack everything so then seemed more official that I am staying for a long time. I miss Evalyn so much. It's hard for me to talk, write, or even think about her without crying. I know that she is being well taken care of, by my my mom at this moment. She is great with her and Evalyn loves her Grandma Kim. I just have to try to keep my mind of things and remember that if this had to happen, this is the best time. It would be awful if she could call me and she was crying also. It's true when people say that it is easy to praise God during the good times and then not to during the difficult times. I had to make myself listen to some praise and worship music this morning and had to make myself pray. I know that this is a time that I can really seek the Lord and he can bring our relationship to a new level. I just have to do it even when I don't feel like it.
            I had a lot of medication I had to take today. It was insane. It's all making me feel out of it, sleepy, but ready to go at the same time. I'm going to probably sleep on and off the rest of the day. Tomorrow, I get to see my hubby, Evalyn, and my Mom!

On Thursday, when Evalyn and mom came to visit. 

I got a kiss!