One of my main goals this week was to only go to Emory once this week, and so far it looks like I may meet that goal. Whoa... dream big! (line from the movie Juno) Anyway, it that goal and other rickamaroo (don't know how to spell that) caused a 10 hour day at Emory. Marlin, one of Jonathan's college roommates, was nice enough to get up at 4:30 am yesterday and take me to Emory and my father in law, Frank, spend 4 hours with me waiting on the medication and drove me all the way back to Athens. I have one more day of IV chemo next Tuesday and then we will start the
Donar Lymphocite Infusion in Jan. I received the oral chemo,
ponatinib, from the FDA yesterday and didn't realize how much Dr. Khoury and his staff had to do to get me on the medication that I need.
At this point there is no effective treatment for the type of mutation that I have. This medication has been through trials at several places but is not approved yet by the FDA. The research coordinator said that getting me this medication was the same amount of work as opening a whole need trial. The ethics group at Emory is meeting about me tomorrow and could say no to me taking the medication at all. The FDA has approved me taking it though. It seems that most people have responded well to the medication. Side effect could be anything so just pray that I don't have any!
Great news, I'm off the steroids! Not meaning that something couldn't happen where I have to get back on them, but Gosh I hope not! I wan't to get off all this medication and lose some weight! I'm not feeling too well today. I can't seem to sleep, I have a cough, and my body is starting to hurt from the chemo. If it wasn't for Evalyn I would probably not move.
Lets talk about life and death. Jonathan and I talk about it quite a bit in small amounts such as me saying "if something happens to me, I want you to find Evalyn a new Mommy" and we talk about my wishes and what life would look like without me. "Don't think that way" you may say, but hey, this is real life and maybe people don't talk about it enough and then the family is stuck with making all the decisions. I'm not scared of dying. I'm scared of hurting the people that love me. I'm scared of suffering. As I rocked Evalyn before her nap today, I started crying and praying that God would spare my life so I could be this wonderful little girls mommy. It's sad to think about and it's a reality that most people take for granted, that we don't know when our time will be up. I don't know what lies ahead if this next step doesn't work for me. I haven't asked that question yet. As my neighbor Eva says.... " We are just gonna live until we die."
True, Eva, True.
Love,
Heather