Well, I don't know what the heck is going on today. I'm annoyed. Yesterday I was told my orders were to start the chemo again for the next four days, then last night I was told that the orders have changed. I'm waiting for the nurse to do the rounds to let me know what I can expect in my life today. I hope I'm not. I would like another free day without being hooked up. I want to play my guitar today. I want, want, blah blah blah. I didn't sleep as well last night... partly because I don't know what is happening today and I'm still hanging on to some sort of control over my life right now. So, I guess this is another teaching moment. I'm trying to think about all this as a Maymester life lessons class. Jonathan did Maymester last May and it was hell, very intense. I also couldn't go back to sleep because the tech has to come into to see if I'm still alive sometime between 12-1am. Then if I don't get back to sleep in time for the nightly waxing of the floor, I'm doomed. Not sure why they have to wax the floors every night at 1 am. Then the Vampires come around 3:45 am to take my blood so that the report can get back by morning. They make decisions about my care based on the lab reports each day. Apparently, I have to get a doctor's order to not have vitals taken from say 11-6 am. I'm going to get that today. Hello..... obvious I'm alive. If for some reason God decides to take me now in the middle of the night after all this, when I'm actually sleeping..... Well, so be it. You all will be able to say.... at least she is getting some REST now. I'm really part dog, I hear everything!!! I hear the amount of electricity flowing over me through the thin ceilings. It's crazy.
So the tech I told you about yesterday that I requested not to work with..... well they must have forgot because she was my tech again. God told me that I need to keep her, that there is a reason she is my night tech. FINE GOD. She wasn't so bad last night. We fed off each other while complaining about the nightly waxing... so we connected in some way. I've decided that she isn't very happy with herself. I'm going to try and cheer her up. I hope the spirit will touch her by being around me during this very very very difficult time.
ENOUGH with the complaints now. Your probably thinking "thank goodness". Yesterday was a wonderful day! My friend Shannon came to see me with her mother. Her mother had breast cancer and still comes to Emory for check ups. It was a very inspiring visit. My mom came and brought the memory foam mattress pad that my aunt Judy had purchased for me. It is wonderful.... it had to air out for a couple of days, you know I'm sensitive. My mom also brought me some FOOD. The food here is not good. I didn't know any better last week because I was out of my mind. My system was shocked with all the additives and preservatives that I'm not used to. Jonathan and I eat very healthy. Fresh fish, steamed veggies, etc, etc. Jonathan has really turned into a wonderful cook these last few months. I beam with pride when he puts garlic in dishes and gets jiggy with the spices. Yes I do go off on tangents like this all the time in my mind!! Mom brought some yummy smoothies, my favorites is the "green stuff" and lots of fresh fruit, minus cantaloupe. Canalope is a waste of time to me. Then.... I left the E floor!!! I was in my VS PJ's and my pink hat, and my mask... We went out the back of the hospital and walked around campus. I was like a kid in a candy store. As we entered the lobby and I started to get excited about being outside. I had a choice.... go through the regular doors .... or go a few feet out of the way to go through the fun looking rotating doors. I chose the rotating doors. Mom said I was funny, I said " who WOULDN'T WANT to go through these doors. I hope I remember things like that as Evalyn gets older and I don't forget the wonder of children. So..... I stepped outside. I almost cried because everything looked, felt, and sounded so wonderful. I didn't cry because I didn't want to get a stuffy nose. I looked up at the big clock I have been hearing. There were college students everywhere. They looked different than most of the UGA students I see. I can't place my finger on it, but I'm sure it has to do with how hard and expensive it is to go here. I don't think these kids have time to go downtown and party everything week for Thirty Thursday. KIDS. We started walking around and soon I remembered that I had a mask on. These people are used to seeing people walk around outside the hospital with PJ's and masked and no hair. Well I guess no one gets really used to it. It was odd to me the way the people looked at me and then would shift their eyes away. I've always thought I was a least kinda good looking, but people were looking at me for a different reason. I was smiling because I was so happy, and then I thought.... these people can't see me smile.... WEIRD. I told my mom they should make clear masks so people could see your expressions. She thought that they would have to be plastic and people couldn't breath. WELL .... I can't breath anyway! Surely Surely someone could come up with it. If there are temperpedic mattresses, high fructose corn syrup, cloning, BMT, planes, etc, there could be a more socially friendly mask. Let one of the movies stars have to wear a mask.... someone will come up with it. So, no one could see me smile at them. I can't really wink.... should I give a little wave???? I felt like I needed to do something to show... "I'm ok, don't feel sorry for me." I didn't figure it out. We walked all around campus... well it seemed like all around.... I haven't been out much. I picked up some pretty leaves and of course wished I had my camera. We sat on a bench outside of the hospital for a few minutes to rest before going back in. There is a clear sign about no smoking there.... stupid people. We walked through the beautiful lobby where I last saw Evalyn. I don't really want to go there now. My luck, the nurse will finally walk in and then they may try to give me some medication for crying or something. By the time I got back to the room I was exhausted. I laid down was was out. I never understood how people can get so out of shape. I guess it can happen pretty quickly.
My sister came by later. She brought me a personal pan pizza. It was really good, I was hungry after the walk. My sister and I talked and talked. I really love her so much and enjoy her company. We watched as the sky changed over the sky scrappers and she look pictures with her I phone. I have got to get my camera here. It was beautiful. I'm going to paint it one day when I back at home. We talked for a while with my nurse Dori about men, love, and dating. I like her a lot. This whole time I have not mentioned Finding Nemo since her name is Dori. It was like I was messing with myself... trying not to say something that everyone probably says. Well.... she finally mentioned Finding Nemo while talking about working at the
Children's hospital for 2 years.... whew, I'm in the clear.
My aunt Sharon come by to bring my washed clothes and to say hi. She left for Orlando today and is speaking at a big Nursing Conference. She is so smart! I wish I could see her speak. She's nervous but she'll do just fine.
Today is Corynne's birthday. She 14! She came and stole my heart when she was only in Kindergarten. I can't believe it. I spoke to her last night. She has speech today for Veterens Day. She was nervous. I really love love love this child. Corynne has such a sweet heart. I love you! Please pray for Shannen, my oldest child, she blacked out yesterday at the wheel and is lucky to be alive and not to have killed anyone. She is going in for some tests tomorrow. I was her mom for a short time and if I have anything to do with it, I'm going to get her to see someone here. Not sure what is going on with Rileigh this week... I'll have to call her.
Well, I still don't know the heck is going on today. I guess I'm not getting chemo or it would have started. I'm going to attempt to eat this food that is sitting next to me. I hope you all have a wonderful day.
Tomorrow.... I get to see my hubby!!!
So the tech I told you about yesterday that I requested not to work with..... well they must have forgot because she was my tech again. God told me that I need to keep her, that there is a reason she is my night tech. FINE GOD. She wasn't so bad last night. We fed off each other while complaining about the nightly waxing... so we connected in some way. I've decided that she isn't very happy with herself. I'm going to try and cheer her up. I hope the spirit will touch her by being around me during this very very very difficult time.
ENOUGH with the complaints now. Your probably thinking "thank goodness". Yesterday was a wonderful day! My friend Shannon came to see me with her mother. Her mother had breast cancer and still comes to Emory for check ups. It was a very inspiring visit. My mom came and brought the memory foam mattress pad that my aunt Judy had purchased for me. It is wonderful.... it had to air out for a couple of days, you know I'm sensitive. My mom also brought me some FOOD. The food here is not good. I didn't know any better last week because I was out of my mind. My system was shocked with all the additives and preservatives that I'm not used to. Jonathan and I eat very healthy. Fresh fish, steamed veggies, etc, etc. Jonathan has really turned into a wonderful cook these last few months. I beam with pride when he puts garlic in dishes and gets jiggy with the spices. Yes I do go off on tangents like this all the time in my mind!! Mom brought some yummy smoothies, my favorites is the "green stuff" and lots of fresh fruit, minus cantaloupe. Canalope is a waste of time to me. Then.... I left the E floor!!! I was in my VS PJ's and my pink hat, and my mask... We went out the back of the hospital and walked around campus. I was like a kid in a candy store. As we entered the lobby and I started to get excited about being outside. I had a choice.... go through the regular doors .... or go a few feet out of the way to go through the fun looking rotating doors. I chose the rotating doors. Mom said I was funny, I said " who WOULDN'T WANT to go through these doors. I hope I remember things like that as Evalyn gets older and I don't forget the wonder of children. So..... I stepped outside. I almost cried because everything looked, felt, and sounded so wonderful. I didn't cry because I didn't want to get a stuffy nose. I looked up at the big clock I have been hearing. There were college students everywhere. They looked different than most of the UGA students I see. I can't place my finger on it, but I'm sure it has to do with how hard and expensive it is to go here. I don't think these kids have time to go downtown and party everything week for Thirty Thursday. KIDS. We started walking around and soon I remembered that I had a mask on. These people are used to seeing people walk around outside the hospital with PJ's and masked and no hair. Well I guess no one gets really used to it. It was odd to me the way the people looked at me and then would shift their eyes away. I've always thought I was a least kinda good looking, but people were looking at me for a different reason. I was smiling because I was so happy, and then I thought.... these people can't see me smile.... WEIRD. I told my mom they should make clear masks so people could see your expressions. She thought that they would have to be plastic and people couldn't breath. WELL .... I can't breath anyway! Surely Surely someone could come up with it. If there are temperpedic mattresses, high fructose corn syrup, cloning, BMT, planes, etc, there could be a more socially friendly mask. Let one of the movies stars have to wear a mask.... someone will come up with it. So, no one could see me smile at them. I can't really wink.... should I give a little wave???? I felt like I needed to do something to show... "I'm ok, don't feel sorry for me." I didn't figure it out. We walked all around campus... well it seemed like all around.... I haven't been out much. I picked up some pretty leaves and of course wished I had my camera. We sat on a bench outside of the hospital for a few minutes to rest before going back in. There is a clear sign about no smoking there.... stupid people. We walked through the beautiful lobby where I last saw Evalyn. I don't really want to go there now. My luck, the nurse will finally walk in and then they may try to give me some medication for crying or something. By the time I got back to the room I was exhausted. I laid down was was out. I never understood how people can get so out of shape. I guess it can happen pretty quickly.
My sister came by later. She brought me a personal pan pizza. It was really good, I was hungry after the walk. My sister and I talked and talked. I really love her so much and enjoy her company. We watched as the sky changed over the sky scrappers and she look pictures with her I phone. I have got to get my camera here. It was beautiful. I'm going to paint it one day when I back at home. We talked for a while with my nurse Dori about men, love, and dating. I like her a lot. This whole time I have not mentioned Finding Nemo since her name is Dori. It was like I was messing with myself... trying not to say something that everyone probably says. Well.... she finally mentioned Finding Nemo while talking about working at the
Children's hospital for 2 years.... whew, I'm in the clear.
My aunt Sharon come by to bring my washed clothes and to say hi. She left for Orlando today and is speaking at a big Nursing Conference. She is so smart! I wish I could see her speak. She's nervous but she'll do just fine.
Today is Corynne's birthday. She 14! She came and stole my heart when she was only in Kindergarten. I can't believe it. I spoke to her last night. She has speech today for Veterens Day. She was nervous. I really love love love this child. Corynne has such a sweet heart. I love you! Please pray for Shannen, my oldest child, she blacked out yesterday at the wheel and is lucky to be alive and not to have killed anyone. She is going in for some tests tomorrow. I was her mom for a short time and if I have anything to do with it, I'm going to get her to see someone here. Not sure what is going on with Rileigh this week... I'll have to call her.
Well, I still don't know the heck is going on today. I guess I'm not getting chemo or it would have started. I'm going to attempt to eat this food that is sitting next to me. I hope you all have a wonderful day.
Tomorrow.... I get to see my hubby!!!
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