Day Ground Zero, on To The Basement

The bag of stem cells.

Who knew you could smile through a transplant?

             Hello! Praise the Lord, the stem cells got here safely and I didn't have any reactions to receiving them. It wasn't really a big whoop, just like getting blood. My vitals had to be monitored over an hour and I had a nurse in the room watching me. My mom came up this morning and stayed with me and then Jonathan came for a while. I also The stem cells where not even frozen, so I got them fresh from overseas! God Bless my donor, I hope to meet her one day! We also had a good visit with his brother and our sister in law. I've decided that everyone gets a picture with a mask on since I'm stuck in here. Well, it makes since to me. I will have some pics up tomorrow of the masks visitors.

                   Remember when 911 happened and they called it ground zero but there was still a big whole in the ground from the rest of the building? Well that is still where I have to go and still have a long way to recovery, but this is one of the biggest steps! The picture is hard to read, but if you start at the left, I'm at the third line, which it BMT at day 0. Now my counts are dropping and will go into the "basement period". They say usually around day +10, the stem cells start to grow new bone marrow which makes new blood cells. Since it was an unrelated donor it may take a little longer. It looks like I'll be getting out of here within 2-3 weeks. Funny how fast time can go and how slow it can go at the same time. I wonder how many of you are thinking about all the things you didn't get done today because you didn't have enough time. I know, I have been there, no judgement, just a thought. I have my own issues to deal with. A fellow transplant patient had to go back in the hospital with pneumonia. Get well soon Janet!
               I don't know how this works, but somehow the chemo and radiation I received are still killing my immune system off, but it doesn't kill the stem cells. I will be on IV anti rejection medications each day, anti-everything pills, fluids, and will get platelets and blood as needed. I will also get some more chemo but I don't think it is as strong. Not sure at this point when they are doing that.  My peach fuss and the eyelashes that started to grow back will fall out again. No big deal. Mostly, I'm really don't want to get mouth sores, because they can be so painful and make it even harder to eat. I want to keep my weight up and not get too weak before going home. I have lost 7.5 lbs since being here, a lot in fluids I'm sure. I'm eating a little better now but I can't eat much at one time. I feel that my brain is a little clearer since the strong chemo is getting out of my system. As you know, since I tested positive for the cold virus, I have not been able to go the kitchen or out in the hall. I have been able to go off floor to walk, which is good for me. Well, since I have not been retested yet but my counts are so low, I can't even leave the floor now. So I'm saying "I can not leave the room!!!!" Holy crap, that really freaked me out. After the team left, I cried some because it is just all so horrible sometimes. You've been in a hospital room, I'm sure, it's small. I also got my hopes up a little about maybe being able to visit with Evalyn this weekend but they said I probably won't see her until I go home.  Now, I can get retested but the doc said that I will probably still test positive because even when you don't have a virus anymore, your body still sheds it. So I'm stuck, now what do I do? Poor poor hamsters in there little cages. At least they have a wheel.
              I know that when Paul was in prison, he had to come close to going crazy. It's not like he had the internet or a working toilet. I know that I will get through this, I just hope I'm still sane. Hopefully, now that my brain is clearer, I can do some more reading, playing my guitar, and of course paper work. I have the most wonderful employer who wants to see me through this... they are amazing. I mentioned a book the first week I was in here, A Bend in the Road, today I read something that inspired me. He said, " What a terrible danger it is for us to become trapped in the claustrophobia of the presences of our crisis." He goes on the talk about how God uses everything to mold and make us. We can't see the future, but we can see the past and what God has done. He said to make a list and to make sure to remind yourself of these things. That doesn't mean that there isn't going to be a lot of tears, anxiety, fear, etc, but it's what we do with it. It's taking it to the Lord and trusting him to see me through. And to see you though it.

My sweet husband and me watching, or trying to watch, a movie.

                 Something I have been pondering on the last few days is how we as humans never seem to be satisfied with any stage of our life. When I get to drive, when I get a job, when I get married, when I get pregnant, when I get that promotion, when I am better, when, when, when. Just listen to everyone, listen to yourself if you are doing it. I'm guilty of it everyday. For example, Jonathan is in school and is trying to find a job, in accounting if anyone reading this is hiring...., and that has been the goal for a while. Well, when he has a job, he isn't going to be home as much and who is to say I will like that any more than where we are now. Why can't we just be content where we are and trust the Lord. I think that is why we go through some of the trails that we have to face. If we don't, we might never be grateful for anything.
   Psalm 40:1-3  
1. I waited patiently for the LORD; 
   he turned to me and heard my cry. 
² He lifted me out of the slimy pit, 
   out of the mud and mire; 
he set my feet on a rock 
   and gave me a firm place to stand. 
³ He put a new song in my mouth, 
   a hymn of praise to our God. 
Many will see and fear the LORD 
   and put their trust in him.